Drunken table dances. Inappropriate toasts. Lewd behavior in secluded banquet-hall alcoves.
The cutting-room floors of local photo studios and video-editing suites are littered with evidence of bad wedding-guest behavior the happy couple would just as soon forget. Intentionally or not, these guests managed to steal their thunder, making the day less about two people starting their new lives together and more about how that guy from the office puked in the planter next to the gift table.
You don't want to be that guest at this summer's upcoming weddings. We don't want you to be that guest either. So for your refrigerator posting pleasure, here are some tips on how to avoid stepping on toes, stealing the spotlight and committing any major crimes of poor wedding decorum.
RSVP: An order, not a request. The bride and groom did not purchase all those stamps for their health. Send back your response card promptly and make sure it's filled out correctly with your number of guests and entree selections if applicable.
"People send them in late, or don't send them in at all," says Kristin Neafsey, sales-and-catering manager for the Carriage House in Galloway Township. "We've had brides and grooms have to call their guests like 'Hey, are you coming?'"
If you do RSVP that you are coming, make sure you show up so the bride and groom don't end up paying for an uneaten dinner.
Be on time. The only people lined up at the back of the church when the wedding march starts should be the bride and her father, not you scooting in under the gun trying to figure out whether to sit on the bride's side or the groom's side of the church.
"If you're doing a wedding video, how do you edit that out?" says Bob Morgan, owner of Bob Morgan Entertainment DJ service in Millville. " It's horrible."
Show them the money. According to Steve Kemble, an expert on the Style Network's "Whose Wedding is it Anyway?" and "Married Away," there are different theories on how much to give as a cash wedding gift, ranging from how well you know the person to figuring out the cost per head for the reception.
"My personal feeling is that you should give what you can give comfortably," Kemble says. "If you are hesitant for any reason, then you should stick to the registry."
Don't overindulge on the open bar. This is a bigee. Tattoo it on your forehead if necessary. Just because it's an open bar doesn't mean you have to drink your weight in Guinness or Merlot. That's how disasters occur.
"One gentleman was so utterly intoxicated that he punched though a glass window of the reception hall, only to get glass in the other guest's nose who was on the other side of the window," recalls Miranda Duca, director of catering at Sand Barrens Golf Club in Swainton. "Both were sent to the ER, but no major injuries."
Pace yourself, especially if there's a long break between the ceremony and cocktail hour. Alternate beers or glasses of wine with water or soft drinks, or stay away from the hard stuff until after dinner.
Consider the DJ off limits. "Do not be the one to request the chicken dance or the electric slide," Duca advises. "You never know what the bride and groom put on their 'do not play' list."
Most couples know enough about their guests to play music they'll dance to. It's a safe bet that "Shout!," "YMCA" and "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" will show up at some point. Do not lurch up the DJ's table and demand an immediate performance of "Stairway to Heaven" or "Crazy for You."
Don't load up on freebies. Some venues allow you to take the centerpieces or votive candles with you at the end of the evening. But wait for them to say so before you start packing the trunk.
The same goes for favors. True, not everyone at the table may want to take home their free monogrammed chocolate bar, but that doesn't mean you can stuff your purse with goodies.
No special orders. This is not Burger King. You can't have it your way. The bride and groom chose the menu or the serving style for a reason, whether for price or their own personal taste. Don't badger the waiters for special meals or a bottle of wine or beer that they aren't serving.
"Throughout the years I've been amazed at the number of people who ask for a better bottle of wine because they do not like what is being served," Kemble says. "If you want a better wine, you should be prepared to present a credit card to the banquet captain and pay for it yourself."
Stay out of the spotlight. This is the bride and groom's day, not yours. Enjoy the party, but keep yourself out of the spotlight. Leave the cleavage-bearing dresses, and the Worm at home, and be content to melt into the background of the ceremony and reception.
"There once was a mom who wanted to stand next to the altar, between the bride and groom," says Shaun Reilly, photographer at Foschi Photography Studio in Linwood. "You have to remember it's not your day."
Just keep repeating this mantra to yourself: This is not "Wedding Crashers" and you are not Vince Vaughn.
